I’m not supposed to like pour out my emotions on this blog but I have no one to talk with so I guess I’ll make this as my diary since writing on my journal is not an option as of the moment.
Allow me to cry. Fine, he deserves all the happiness in the world but this weekend was a huge slap of reality to me. He’s having a hard time managing his time for us. he never even asked how my study goes on and that I was depressed. Not that I am still a kid (am 20, duhh) but hello, I’m still her daughter. So is there some kind of jealousy?-I won’t deny it.
Since I lost my mom 6 years ago, all I was praying was for my Papang to find a good wife to grow old with. I am not against but I was not expecting that the ongoing process of these adjustments would tear me apart. I just missed him.
I was frank when I told him that for just a minute or two, he could have stayed in our house (I’m not calling it ‘home’ anymore) and spend it with me as her daughter who visits our hometown once every two or more months. Fine, I maybe selfish but if I am really one then I should have forbid my father to engage into such kind of relationship in the first place.
I am just afraid of the future that when he gets married, he’ll completely abandon us. We need his moral support aside from the money he is sending to me. As the fourth of six children, I know we deserve that like any other children in this universe. We are lucky for having such a great father but I think it’s not still fair to just be left and ignored in times of need of his presence.
I love my father so much that giving him to that girl is a very painful sacrifice for his happiness for I know he deserves it as well but I just wished he’s still responsible as a father to us and not just a boyfriend to that woman.
He missed my sister’s thanksgiving for the reason of joining the girl’s dinner for she’s alone. Gosh, that’s my sister’s thanksgiving for Pete’s sake! He visits his girlfriend EVERY NIGHT so it’s not a loss if he’ll miss a night. And for my sister’s THANKSGIVING?
I can talk here all afternoon on how I disappointed I am but it’s no use. I chose to leave our house earlier than I planned because I see no point in staying longer. Still, I made sure that my message for him will be understood.
Lord, I am a good girl and never in my record I became a rebel. Especially for my father’s happiness, I will never be the antagonist. Please give me an understanding heart and more patience to surpass all these trails that one day when I’ll look back on this page, I will wear a smile saying “how immature yet honest… gosh, I grew”.