When Things Will NEVER be the SAME anymore

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I see friendship as precious as my life-I treasure them. But it’s not always laughter and crying over shoulder factors that keeps the flame burning, but also TRUST. Broken, it’s OVER.

Her name’s Kim. She’s smart and she’s too kind to avoid a good relationship with her. She never fails to comfort you and she’ll make sure you’re happy and that made her my friend. I remember one night of July 2013 when I was crying my hardest and she’s the only one around to tap my shoulders and all I was thinking was she’s one of the bests. I never regretted that she WAS my friend.

Things went rough when suddenly she suspended me with the reason of me not being an effective advocacy. I know she was just upset last November 2013 and all those depression went into my suspension and it brought me to places I never knew to exist. I was crying all the time for I don’t know-maybe in pain for getting suspended on my most favorite job of all or by the fact that she may took it personally that I felt betrayed. She’s the Editor-in-Chief and I have no defense for the power she owned yet it was still unfair. I was hurt and I was dwelling on that fact instead of becoming rational with that idea.

Since then, I realized that I should have been more realistic to the fact that some people are still capable of hurting even how good they are. What’s more painful was when it dawned to me that those people who means a lot to us are the ones who are responsible of causing the most pain. I woke up the following day with my tears streaming down from my cheeks and I can’t stop. The last time I cried that hard was during my mom’s funeral day on March 2008. It’s been awhile.

I had this principle of making my enemies cry if I cried because of them but time taught me to heal and that principle is more like a revenge. I was bitter for the next few weeks and making our common friends choose between the two of us. I should have been happy for seeing the majority join me but I was guilty to see her all by herself especially when we are inside the office. I still missed her.

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It never crossed my mind that I will be affected by the loss of a friend for I don’t usually give a damn on friends since forever but Kim made me realize that friends do exist and yeah, they can hurt you the way they love you. If there’s one thing I learned, that’s when I have to give my best memories to the people all around me so that when time plays again, at least I have something to remind me that the friends-turned-to-enemies were ones the best people I knew.

If given a chance to go back, I would probably choose to restore the friendship Kim and I shared. My pride may be responsible for the idea of not talking to her or completely ignoring her presence but the last time I tried to bring back the camaraderie between us, I know that deep within, it will never be the same.

Life is too short to spend it with people you hate and I hate Kim so that makes sense. It’s not easy to see her inside the office and pretending she’s invisible while our common friends are having a hard time dealing with the two of us separately. Things are just not that fortunate between us and I’ve long accepted that. Maybe one of these  days we’ll be fine but like I said, it will never be the same.

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