He’s CUTE and I know it but BEAUTY is indeed,well… DECEIVING.
I wish I could just tell you the past and the present and the future and the why and how everything began but I will be travelling back 8 years back so… NEVER MIND.
Why am I writing this?
Simply because I want to. He just popped from my brain and I just did something I can be proud of. Is he my ex-boyfriend? Nope. Is he my crush? Yes, he used to brighten my day. Back when?-Oh! High school. So who is he? Well let’s just say he’s one of the reasons why I am who I am today-he made me grow.
So let’s assume he’s a friend. No, more like an acquaintance. We dated once and that’s the first and last time I saw him. Doesn’t makes sense at all? Hmmm.. Okay… We haven’t seen each other for more than half a decade (and I swear I almost forgot about him until he popped in my Facebook account) and we met again. It was the first after more than 6 years and last since last year. Why is the time so limited? Just like time limits me to grow into who I am.
Why ‘falling down’?
Yeah, why? I hated him for dating me and acting like he’s interested when in fact he’s got a four year old son already. Fine, I didn’t ask but what, am I suppose to like “Hi! nice meeting you again! Do you have a son?” which sounded so stupid. I was crushed yes for before him, I play boys. Not play as in make a toy out from whatever they own or feel but play like flirt and let them hope for something that’s none in the first place. Harsh, mean and totally bad but I know they’ll be fine. Turned out, I fell down the hole I dug.
This guy, on the other hand, was a bit serious with whatever he’s playing but I judged him by his past and maybe I was too immature back then that I closed my mind immediately. Unfortunately, everything went sour and he have to fly sail back to his ship. Bye!
Since then, I’ve been plotting a very detailed plan on our next meeting. Should I play snob and pretend I didn’t see him? Or nice and smile the biggest asking how is he? Or bitchy and wear those seductive looks with my bitten lower lip? Or whatever. I just don’t know. As long as I am not someone I don’t know, then I think I’ll be fine.
So what now?
It’s time to let the bridge down. *sighs* It took me more than half a year waiting for the signs I have set before God that he’s not supposed to be part of my life. I didn’t waste those times I spent thinking the ‘what if’s’ and I am more sure of the fact that those patient moments paid off. It’s time to let go and accept that the book is closed. I wrote hundreds of pages just to convince myself that I am the one on the higher ground but the more I force it, the more I bury myself to the depression that’s killing me. I should thank him instead for making me grow. He made me see the BIG picture and I learned to digest it all in a brave gulp. It was not easy to let go of something that’s none in the first place but I learned. So much for being a ‘fast learner’ I suppose.
Falling Down: It’s time to bury
Get the shovel and start digging, I told myself-but this time not for a trap but for the past. I have to say, what a roller coaster it was. The aftermath, I mean. This guy made it a point to make a better self of me and all I can do is smile and look where I’ve been. 🙂
It’s time to bury the hatchet, Don. See you when I see you!
I asked God to give me the guy I want but instead, He gave me what I need.