Dear Dad

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It’s been awhile since you became a concern on my little mid. It’s been awhile since we talked with nothing in it but pure jokes of life that we tend to make an excuse of what reality had been offering. It’s been awhile since I treated you as my best hero. It’s been awhile and well, I just missed those ‘awhile’ moments. I miss you Papang.

Since you started dating that girlfriend of yours, you changed and that I have to be very flexible. I have to learn to let you go and grow up with you not on my side 24/;7. I have to cross the limits of loneliness so as not to disturb your happiness. I have to be someone else I don’t know just to fly on my wings without you pushing me away. Maybe it is really time to get off the nest. 

But I cannot hide my disappointment as to how you were blinded by your love. I don’t even think that’s love-more like desperation to earn the long lose happiness you once experienced when Mamang was still alive. I am not blaming you for being so desperate. You’ve been too lonely for the last half decade and I see no reason why I should be selfish enough for that when you thoughtfully offered such bliss to us. It’s just too fast and I can’t breathe anymore. Please wake up Pa. You’re poisoned. Come back to us.

I am so sorry if things went tough between the two of us lately. My sarcasm became an insult that I have to remind myself who I used to be and that I am still your loving daughter and you’re still my best man. I may be too harsh sometimes but you have no idea how crushed I am within during those times I have to bite off my tongue just to stop myself from doing it again and again. So if you’ll excuse me, I have stay away for summer and find my old self and learn to forgive after the turn outs of the event. It was not a good to run but I see it best as of the moment.

Pa, I am very blessed to have your kindness all around us. You’ve been strong enough to get us through the trek of Mom’s loss and that I am very grateful. You didn’t give up as easy as that and that again, I am so blessed. You deserved all the happiness in the world and even I myself is very much willing to offer that to you-or even force it to embody your life. Just don’t abuse it. I see that you’re too drunk with that idea of integrity since my older siblings and I are becoming professionals and financial status is not that burden as it was before. Please open your eyes and be reasonable on what you see.

I hate hatred but I cannot help it. You’re supposed to be the post of our strength but as what I am seeing now, my siblings and I have to do that job for our home not to become a house. I miss you Pang… just come back to us and be our father again. I know I am overreacting and sure, I was well aware of it. But I am still your 20 year old daughter and I am bound to my judgments and opinions toward that girl you are dating. Sometimes, you have to do the listening.

I cannot promise you the full blast support you want from us. I am still hoping that you’ll find your way home. Please don’t get me wring but you are not to be imprisoned in our home. I just want you to be a father even if your life is as young as sweet couples under the moonlight. You may have a girlfriend, you can still be as young as what you want to believe, but you are still my Papang who have to go home early at night and ask us your children how’s our day instead of spending it almost all the waking hours in that girl’s heart.

I am not as expressive as I can be but I know one of these days you’ll understand why I have to play the antagonist role this time. I just love you that much that risking such loss is even worse than my worst nightmare. I hope that you will not wait for the days to dry up that one morning you’ll just wake with no one around you. I mean it. 

I love you Papang. I just want to remind myself that I still love you that bad even if you’re starting to forget about that love we will forever treasure even time gets sour. Have a great trip. Hope to see you soon at the end of the bridge.

 

Love,

Your Loving Daughter.

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